The Road to Nowhere

With the amount of traveling I’ve done, you’d think I’d be good at finding places. Wrong. Think I know my way around a map? Nope. To tell you the truth my sense of direction is pretty bad. I get lost. A lot. Even when looking for places I’ve been before. But a few conversations over the last few months got me thinking about where I was really going.

It started with a professor who I work for at my school. He asked me about my future plans after finishing my degree in Spain. I told him I wasn’t exactly sure where I wanted to live yet then proceeded to detail my options.

“Wait a minute, how old are you?” He asked.

“xx,” I said.

“By the time you’re xx years old, you should be settled in one place. You’re a little past that now so it’s time you pick one place and settle.”

As emphatic as he was, I knew he wasn’t trying to be mean, or tell me what to do. It was his idea of giving me good advice.

Was he right? Should I be working some 9 to 5 in Dullsville, with nothing to look forward to but 1 week all-inclusives with a water pool park for the kids? I know it makes some people happy (read: older sister, older brother) which is fine, but for me, at this stage of my life, just the idea gives me the feeling of resigning to a life of monotony.

About a month earlier, after telling my program coordinator, a career driven 23yr old about my traveling past and most probable traveling future, he reacted similarly.

“Why do you keep traveling? Settle down already!” he implored.

Easy for him to say. Both of he and the professor had already made their choices. The professor, originally from Australia chose to make his life in Spain and is married with children, while the coordinator is in a serious relationship and well on his way to buying a house. I laughed off their suggestions and told them everyone is different. I stand by what I said, yet couldn’t help wondering if I was lost again; this time, in my own life.

What put really put me on this train of thought though, was a message. After looking through my travel photos on my Facebook page, the former elementary and High School tough girl turned suburban mom of twins left me a comment on my page. ‘Could we trade lives? Just for one minute?’ While it felt nice to have a life that seemed like something to be envied, I had to set her straight with the facts. Traveling like I do enabled me to experience a lot, but it’s not all just great photos. Being away from family sucks, it’s hard to build a lasting relationship let alone think about having kids, or owning anything more than clothes, a laptop and a few boxes in a warehouse (read: parents place) to be used at some point in time. I tried to leave it at that, but it was too late, the damage was done. After responding to tough girl, I was off on a Facebook stalking tangent, skimming the pages of people I went to school with to see where they are in their lives. Husbands and housewives, kids and cars, family vacations to the ski slopes or the lake. Like High School tough girl, I fell into the trap of life comparing, a game that no one ever really wins.

I can’t be a traveler forever and I’m not planning on it. Actually, I’m not planning on anything, which is a good thing, or bad, depending who you talk to. One thing’s for sure: Up until this point, my life has been pretty unconventional and will probably continue to be. Things never happened to me when and how they were supposed to if we’re paying attention to t.v. shows, my family, society at large and the universe. I try not to dwell on the shoulda, coulda, woulddas and instead enjoy the way my life is at this moment. All this to say I realized a few things. Just because my life makes sense to me, doesn’t mean it necessarily makes sense to others. And more importantly, everyone operates in their own timeline, Facebook or otherwise. Maybe I don’t know EXACTLY where I’m going. So what? That’s no reason to panic. Like the Talking Heads ‘[I’m] on a road to nowhere, and it’s alright’.